Day One
Today started shitty.
I love Mondays because I get C back if she was with her dad on the weekend! But I sleep like crap knowing that I have to get up at 7am and drive to my ex’s house (which was my house and my office- my dream, really) but he refused to move out so it’s his now… yeh I get to go there. So I usually have lots of weird dreams and wake up drenched in sweat on Monday morning.
So, this morning, I rinse off and throw on some leggings and sweater and go pick her up. Seeing her makes everything feel instantly better. I don’t even make eye contact with my ex. He is a snake and i can’t allow myself to be charmed so I just don’t look at him. It’s a long story, but, yeh. That’s how I cope with a situation I never should have been put in.
After that I drive home and find old mail from his place no one gave me - including a collections letter from attorney for the state of Ohio trying to collect sales tax on a closed business… so I had to breathe and be logical and not panic about that, and not rip his head off for keeping them for months 😵💫 but alas, I sent two emails and tried to let it go. It took longer than it should.
C came back to me with a fever and a rough cough.. so I already had to reschedule tomorrow’s massage clients to avoid giving anyone the ick. Also, C won’t go to daycare so, I can’t work. This seems to happen at least once every 5-6 weeks and it’s always on me to move things. I don’t mind at all but I wish it was seen and appreciated, or even better financially compensated … but again, I digress. This situation blows but I just keep making the next right choice, and that choice seems to always be to do whatever needs done for the kids.
We cuddled a lot, I painted a new cat picture while she rested, we played with kinetic sand a little, watched some library book videos on Kanopy, played with my new CampSnap camera for my next project and she crashed hard at 6:45pm. She tooks lots of photos today and it was such a cute and fun thing - since I LOVE photography it made my heart swell to see her catch the shutter bug.
I made it to the YMCA and actually worked out pretty hard. I did 20 flights on the stairs, 2000m erg piece in 10 mins and did 10 mins incline walk on the treadmill, plus a touch of abs/shoulders. The YMCA has become a huge part of my healing journey - and over the years, I have ebbed and flowed with being a member. When I got serious about my health this year, I got Ohio Marketplace insurance with the gym membership option. So this has been huge for me to have access to a full gym again, plus the steam room & sauna! I have been trying to make it there 2-3 days a week for a ritual of working out and steaming myself senseless. Last night was bliss. I suggest remembering these types of things are available and honestly such a luxury for my mental health.
I came home and joked with my husband that I have officially reached the point where I don’t know if I am being stared at by men at the gym because they think I am good looking or if they are concerned for my wellbeing. I can never really tell if I am huffing and puffing audibly or not with my earbuds in.. He assures me that I am hot and they are staring bc of that, and hes probably wrong but its nice of him to fib to me. LOL
